Advent has been a struggle for me. I have been transitioning from a season of intense spiritual growth to a dry, crusty stand-still. Instead of having hope in the anticipation of Christ's arrival, I have been consumed with my current state of hopelessness-- in the world's state of hopelessness. This semester has been a constant battle to stay positive. I can no longer muster an ounce of hope with my tainted perspective, and God has not been delivering fresh insight into my outstretched hands. My prayer life has been drooping in the light of tired disappointment from hoping without results.
The only redeeming factor during this difficult semester has been community. God has graciously blessed me by placing me among some incredible organs from his own living body. Never have I experienced a more Christ-exemplifying community of believers than I am experiencing now.
Today at church, a few girls from the Zambia team stood up to share about their trip. Laura-Marie and Kathryn shared, in particular, about the way God humbled them in their efforts. They expected to be heroes, but many of the patients they tried to save died. What a hopeless circumstance. Yet, God gave them a peace and hope in the brokenness. They were forced to trust God because they lacked all control and ability in themselves. Kayla told me the other night that a church community is important because other believers cover our weaknesses and vice-versa. This morning was an example of that fact; I was encouraged by their testimony, and their faith infected mine like a contagion. Somehow, I am hoping vicariously through the hope of others (what a tangled web.)
Hoping is hard. Praise God for a breathing, blinking, beating body of believers.
12.04.2011
Thank goodness for a renewal in the cycle of reading. For words that can become mine. I did something a little different and made a Psalm 103 word cloud for my desktop this week. I went through each line of the Psalm and wrote down the attributes of God that were stated or implied. I then wrote down all the "praise the Lord"s and replaced them with "praiseHIM." I got a little creative because I couldn't use spaces. The colors, of course, were advent inspired. :)
12.03.2011
The Need
Yesterday I prayed that the Lord would just come back and take us home.
It was the first time I'd prayed that and truly felt in my heart that I meant it.
Usually I pray that prayer flippantly while in the back of my head I'm thinking... "Come back Lord, BUT could I just have a family and kids first. I think that would be fun. Maybe let me experience some of the joys of this life before going on to be with You in eternity..." You know, stuff like that. Let me get out of college or accomplish something with my life...
But no, this time I was serious. I told God we are broken and that I'm unhappy with being broken. I told Him we just want to be fixed and go home. I said it with a little anger and frustration that He won't just take us home. I said it with the same sense of homesickness that I said was feeling before Thanksgiving.
It was cool. I mean, it was sad to feel that the world is broken, but it was cool to truly connect with the feeling of NEED for a Savior to come and redeem this broken world.
It was the first time I'd prayed that and truly felt in my heart that I meant it.
Usually I pray that prayer flippantly while in the back of my head I'm thinking... "Come back Lord, BUT could I just have a family and kids first. I think that would be fun. Maybe let me experience some of the joys of this life before going on to be with You in eternity..." You know, stuff like that. Let me get out of college or accomplish something with my life...
But no, this time I was serious. I told God we are broken and that I'm unhappy with being broken. I told Him we just want to be fixed and go home. I said it with a little anger and frustration that He won't just take us home. I said it with the same sense of homesickness that I said was feeling before Thanksgiving.
It was cool. I mean, it was sad to feel that the world is broken, but it was cool to truly connect with the feeling of NEED for a Savior to come and redeem this broken world.
A lot of connections today
Today, I read Hannah's words of thanks to God and Zachariah's words of thanks to God.
I read that God "sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts." Essentially, He allows sorrow and joy. He allows sickness and healing. He's got it in His big, big hands. It's a little disheartening maybe, to think He's the conductor of an orchestra that sometimes seems dissonant. But "the foundations of the earth are the Lord's; on them he has set the world." We're HIS lumps of clay and He is a master artist.
Have you ever watched someone sculpting or working on a pottery wheel? Sometimes, you see them creating something and you begin to feel amazed. You see where the shapes look like they're going, and you're excited to see them be manipulated. Then a little thing happens: maybe a side begins to sag just a little, and BAM! The artist smashes it in and begins smoothing out bubbles -- you catch yourself saying, "NO! It was looking so good! I could never have done that!" You think the artist is a perfectionist and that time has just been wasted.
But the artist knows that clay weakens as it is being manipulated. It is very malleable, and can only be fixed a few times before a piece needs to be integrated back into the whole and start from the beginning. Not only will this make the piece stronger, it will make the process of finishing faster than trying to make a quick repair. We are His jars, filled with His gospels, and He is reworking our hearts in this time of "sorrow/hope" so that our hearts are able to hold his heavy, weighty words with conviction.
Let us remember that in God's hands, we are not "safe." But He is good. It's like in Narnia. It's WINTER and we're waiting for CHRISTMAS! We're waiting for Him to come and fulfill the hope and fulfill the preparation and fulfill the joy and fulfill the love. Here's my favorite part about this: He already came. So the past assures us. And Christmas will come on the 25th, as it always does. So the present assures us.
Our futures are certain. They will contain a resurrected Christ. Let us hope and, tomorrow, prepare.
I read that God "sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts." Essentially, He allows sorrow and joy. He allows sickness and healing. He's got it in His big, big hands. It's a little disheartening maybe, to think He's the conductor of an orchestra that sometimes seems dissonant. But "the foundations of the earth are the Lord's; on them he has set the world." We're HIS lumps of clay and He is a master artist.
Have you ever watched someone sculpting or working on a pottery wheel? Sometimes, you see them creating something and you begin to feel amazed. You see where the shapes look like they're going, and you're excited to see them be manipulated. Then a little thing happens: maybe a side begins to sag just a little, and BAM! The artist smashes it in and begins smoothing out bubbles -- you catch yourself saying, "NO! It was looking so good! I could never have done that!" You think the artist is a perfectionist and that time has just been wasted.
But the artist knows that clay weakens as it is being manipulated. It is very malleable, and can only be fixed a few times before a piece needs to be integrated back into the whole and start from the beginning. Not only will this make the piece stronger, it will make the process of finishing faster than trying to make a quick repair. We are His jars, filled with His gospels, and He is reworking our hearts in this time of "sorrow/hope" so that our hearts are able to hold his heavy, weighty words with conviction.
Let us remember that in God's hands, we are not "safe." But He is good. It's like in Narnia. It's WINTER and we're waiting for CHRISTMAS! We're waiting for Him to come and fulfill the hope and fulfill the preparation and fulfill the joy and fulfill the love. Here's my favorite part about this: He already came. So the past assures us. And Christmas will come on the 25th, as it always does. So the present assures us.
Our futures are certain. They will contain a resurrected Christ. Let us hope and, tomorrow, prepare.
Martin Luther wrote,
"This is the word of the prophet: "Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given" (Isa. 9:6). This is the hardest point, not so much to believe that he is the son of the virgin and God himself, as to believe that this Son of God is ours. This is where we wilt, but he who does feel it has become another man. Truly it is marvelous in our eyes that God should place a little child in the lap of a virgin and that all our blessedness should lie in him. And this Child belongs to all mankind. God feeds the whole world through a Babe nursing at Mary's breast. This must be our daily exercise: to be transformed into Christ, being nourished by this food. Then will the heart be suffused with all joy and will be strong and confident against every assault."
This is a great mystery of Advent: the child Mary carries in her womb simultaneously holds the whole world in his hands.
And he came for us. The Son of God is ours.
Tomorrow begins week two of Advent, with an emphasis on Peace, Preparation, and John the Baptist.
This is a great mystery of Advent: the child Mary carries in her womb simultaneously holds the whole world in his hands.
And he came for us. The Son of God is ours.
Tomorrow begins week two of Advent, with an emphasis on Peace, Preparation, and John the Baptist.
The "O" Antiphons
With intercession, I have been trying to figure out how to prevent prayer from becoming redundant and repetitive. At times I just get in a rut where I'm praying the same things for the same people. Though the things I pray for are not bad things, on the contrary they are great things, the "O" Antiphons gave me inspiration and reminded me or exactly what I should be praying for when interceding for others. Here are some of the BEAUTIFUL ways we can be praying for others:
Come and show your people the way to salvation.
Stretch out your mighty hand to set us free.
Come, let nothing keep you from coming to our aid.
Break down the prison walls of death for those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death; and lead your captive people into freedom.
Come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.
Come and save the creature you fashioned from the dust.
Come and set us free, Lord our God.
This reminds me to pray for God to come, heal, show his people how to receive salvation, not delay, save us, and set us free.
Come and show your people the way to salvation.
Stretch out your mighty hand to set us free.
Come, let nothing keep you from coming to our aid.
Break down the prison walls of death for those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death; and lead your captive people into freedom.
Come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.
Come and save the creature you fashioned from the dust.
Come and set us free, Lord our God.
This reminds me to pray for God to come, heal, show his people how to receive salvation, not delay, save us, and set us free.
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