Motives

I have been thinking a lot about my heart and my motives for things. Everything we do, has a motive behind it. God mainly cares about our motives, regardless of what we do or don't do. I have felt overwhelmed with this idea. I feel as if this is hitting me again and I'm relearning God's desire to see good motives in me. I'm almost scared to think about how often I have good motives. It seems like to serve anyone, or do anything "right" is for some selfish motivation. Although, I understand God has blessed us with feeling good after we do good or succeed. Through this process I have been reevaluating my passion to do missionary work overseas. Are my motives pure? Can they be fully pure?

Mitch and my family met for the first time tonight for dinner. My mom and his dad began talking and I was half-way in the conversation listening. They were talking about how they were worried about Mitch and my future and our similar desires to go overseas and serve alongside each other. They worry about finances, jobs, and our safety. As they agreed that they worry about us, I turned and told Mitch. To sum up what they were saying, I said; "they think we don't fully understand the world." And Mitch simply said, "maybe their the ones who don't understand." This was a profound statement to me, and I have been wrestling with my motives behind my future goals. I wonder if is because it is viewed as dangerous, exciting, and God-honoring. I wondering if it is because I want people to be impressed and see me in this "missionary" light. I know that my passion to work with women and children overseas won't be wasted because of my motives. I am challenged to reevaluate my motives in future plans like this and in daily situations.

This season will be interesting as I process through things like this, as Christmas is a time for giving, receiving and spending time with family. Through these situations I want to be conscious of my motives and continue to process how to filter out my motives that aren't pleasing to God.

Strained

I'm thankful to be home and anxious to see how I do with the Advent discipline. I know it will be challenging for me here. There is so much extra time since I have no homework or obligations, but there are so many other things I can do that could distract me or hinder me from being disciplined and really digging into the readings over the next week and a half. These are just some thoughts :)


So, today's reading was Isaiah 64: 1-12. I remember when we were first learning about Isaiah, Mike had us get with a partner and read a certain chapter of Isaiah. Bethany and I were partners and read Isaiah 64:1-12. When we first read it, we picked it apart and found it to be pretty dreary and odd. It seemed dark and sad. Now, looking back with more knowledge of Advent, it seems to sum it all up super well. We are so broken. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away" (Isaiah 64:6). There is truly no hope for us accept through Jesus. It seems to tie in with a part of the video Mike posted concerning the fact that many of us have felt emotionally and spiritually broken or "strained", as Mike stated. Advent is the realization of how much we need Christ to come and save us. This passage has definitely begun to make more sense to me and tie so well into Advent.

Some Encouragement and a Reading

[Click on the picture to view the video]

Ponder

Today I was given grace when I felt completely and utterly undeserving. Grades, in the grand scheme, are small, but I felt extreme redemption this morning. I've realized the joy of being loved when I am unable to earn that love. Let's not forget that we have been adopted, and therefore saved from the orphanage. We've been given lives of privilege! 


"Let the one who is wise heed these things 
   and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD."
(Psalm 107:43)

Joy: Psalm 105

Here are some verses from today's reading that meant a lot to me; they are the bookend verses of Psalm 105:

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually" (vv. 4-5).


"So he brought his people out with joy, his chosen ones with singing.
He gave them the lands of the nations, and they took possession of the wealth of the peoples,
that they might keep his statues and observe his laws" (vv. 44-45).

I like the idea of seeking God's presence continually. It reminds me of what we heard in Church this past week: living the Christian life doesn't mean knowing everything, understanding everything, "getting" everything, or doing everything (those will all come in time); it means following a person. Stepping forward. Engaging. Seeking.

It reminds of Job. Clearly Job did not experience the intimate and close presence of God until the very end of the book, and even then it was a more terrible and overwhelming presence. But he sought. He argued his case for an entire book. All he wanted was to entertain God's presence. He was a mess, but he continually sought.

It reminds me of Mary. Mary did not understand how she was going to bear the Son of God, but instead asked, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" But even though she did not understand, she still sought the presence of God. She still allowed the Holy Spirit to start forming the Christ in her womb. She still said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."

I want to seek the Lord this week even though I am not in tip-top shape. I pray that you all seek his presence as well, because in his presence is his strength.

Finally, I liked verses 44 and 45 because they conclude the psalm nicely. The whole point of this psalm is to show that 1) God is strong and loving, so much so that he saved his people; 2) there is joy when we seek the Lord and God works on our behalf; and 3) we have been saved and delivered for no greater purpose than to keep, observe, and obey God's laws and way of living.

The word that in verse 45 is crucial. It is a purpose word. All of this saving on God's part has been done so that...


Live today in joy and singing, knowing that God has worked on your behalf, knowing that God is coming through on his promises for you--promises of victory, hope, salvation, rest, peace, strength, healing, or faith. And know that our part is to obey and keep the commands. That is how we seek.

Hey, all. I know I post often, and I don't want to bombard you, so if you'd like to take a peek at the advent/joy/Mary poem I've written today, here it is. :)