Some Ideas for the New Year!

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/12/5-steps-to-making-new-years-resolutions-happen/

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/12/free-daily-planner-new-habits-free-daily-planner-printable/

Comment On This Post With:

an Advent/ Christmas reflection that you'd like to share with the group.

I'm interested to hear of how our individual journeys come together.

Christmas: 12 Days of Wonder

Friends, Merry Christmas to each of you. Our journey together through the Church’s calendar brings me constant joy and satisfaction. God continues to bless our work in a variety of ways; I see his grace at work in us all. In his book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene Peterson (translator of The Message) writes of two biblical titles given to people of faith: disciple and pilgrim:

Disciple says we are people who spend our lives apprenticed to our master, Jesus Christ. We are in a growing-learning relationship, always…Pilgrim tells us we are people who spend our lives going someplace, going to God, and whose path for getting there is the way, Jesus Christ. (17)

We are disciples and pilgrims. We are apprenticed to Christ, learning how to be people of faith, hope, and love in a relationship with Him. And we are going someplace, ever working towards the healing of the world and the recreation of our hearts through the putting on of His character and love, by the power of the Spirit, and in the context of the community of faith.

           

For this reason, I thought it fitting to type a short reminder of where we are as disciples, and where we are headed as pilgrims.

           

Where we have been:

Time is sacred. Because of the incarnation, the divine and human experiences have forever been united in Jesus Christ; He has brought heaven into union with earth. In so doing, eternity is able to break through into time. God is Spirit. He fills all time with his presence, yet is active in different segments of time in different ways.

You experienced this reality in Advent. Whether you felt the darkness and need in this world or the hope and promise of the coming Savior with Isaiah; whether you felt fit to prepare the way through humble yet bold witness or a convicting need to respond to the message of repentance with John the Baptist; whether you felt the intense joy and gratitude of Mary, the protective and obedient love of Joseph, or the affirming love of Elizabeth; no matter if you identified with one character strongly, felt your emotions tugged in all different directions, saw through the lies of America's Christmas of Consumption, or simply wanted the Christ child more than you ever have before; you have been in touch with the Spirit of God. You have delved deep into the overlapping elements of darkness and light, suffering and hope, lament and praise. You have embarked on a spiritual practice that will forever set a pattern for your life.

Where we are going:

Jesus Christ is born. God has burst onto the page of history. The second person of the Trinity, the Son, has taken on a human mind, a human will, a human body, and a human soul. He has emptied himself, not by giving up anything of his divine nature (He never ceases being God or doing the work of God), but by taking the nature of a servant. God the Son, the world’s savior, is here.

The tension we felt during Advent is released with the entering of the Prince of Peace. Our Advent labor pains are overcome by the wonder and awe of the Christ child. Darkness is overcome by the Light of the World.

Remember that Christmas is a twelve-day season. Recognizing it as such is outside of my personal experience, but I am excited to give it a try. Bobby Gross lists four obstacles to the Christmas season that we face, along with some ideas for combating them during these twelve days.

1)    Over-familiarity: We are too familiar with the Christmas story—or so we think. Try reading the accounts of Christmas in Matthew, Luke, and John with Advent lenses and Christmas joy. Look at popular texts like Philippians 2 or Isaiah 9 and experience them in a whole new way.

2)    Sentimentality: Culture makes Christmas hokey. Remember the three feasts that take place within the twelve days of Christmas that foreshadow the fate of the Christ child, that add tension and danger to the story. Mary and Joseph are by no means safe. The Christ child will enjoy his peaceful sleep for only a short time. A day is coming when the God of the universe will experience death to save His people.

a.    Dec. 26: Feast of St. Stephen (voluntary/executed martyrdom)

b.     Dec. 27: Feast of St. John (voluntary/ not executed martyrdom)

c.     Dec. 28: Commemoration of the Holy Innocents (involuntary/executed martyrdom)

3)    The Commercial Eclipse of Advent: We are usually ready for the Christmas season to be over because our going, going, going and buying, buying, buying of Advent have drained us. Take some time to retreat and rest during these twelve days. Ponder the incarnation daily. Engage in spiritual reflections and ask God how He might want you to respond to the great news of Christ's birth. Continue to practice self-giving love as you recognize that the greatest gift of all, Christ, is also the greatest giver of all. Christmas should be the jumpstart to a lifestyle of giving, not a one-day season for it.

4)    The reduction of Christmas to 1 day: The reduction of Christmas to one day simply does not allow us the time we need to rest in the wonder and awe of the season. “We’ve prepared for four weeks! We deserve more time for joy and fulfillment than one day!” You are right. Take twelve days to thank God for his indescribable gift. One way to do this is to ponder the names of Jesus Christ on January 1, the Feast of the Holy Name. Christ would have been circumcised and named on this day, so it is fitting for the New Year to focus on the names of the one who makes all things new.

a.     Meditate on Jesus: “God Saves”

b.     Meditate on Christ: “Anointed One” (He is the perfect prophet, the high priest, and the heavenly king)

c.     Meditate on Emmanuel: “God with us”

d.     Mediate on Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Mighty God, Prince of Peace

e.     Meditate on Light of the World

f.      Sing softly and prayerfully the great Christmas hymns: O Holy Night, Joy to the World, the First Noel, Away in a Manger, Silent Night, and many others.

I love you all. May these next few days be full of wonder and awe, gratitude and self-giving love, joy and rest, all in response to the coming of Christ, the one we have eagerly expected throughout our communal journey of hope, preparation, joy, and love in the Advent season.

”He was poor, that he might make us rich.
He was born of a virgin that we might be born of God.
He took our flesh, that he might give us His Spirit.
He lay in the manger, that we may lie in paradise.
He came down from heaven, that he might bring us to heaven….

That the ancient of Days should be born.
that he who thunders in the heavens should cry in the cradle….
that he who rules the stars should suck the breast;
that a virgin should conceive;
that Christ should be made of a woman, and of that woman which himself made,
that the branch should bear the vine,
that the mother should be younger than the child she bare,
and the child in the womb bigger than the mother;
that the human nature should not be God, yet one with God

Christ taking flesh is a mystery we shall never fully understand till we come to heaven

If our hearts be not rocks, this love of Christ should affect us .

Behold love that passeth knowledge!”

~Thomas Watson

A Christmas Prayer

Father, when the fullness of time had come,

You sent to us the Son,

by the power of the Holy Spirit.

And all your people say: the Lord is come!

We waited with Israel for a Messiah:

            Now the Savior is here!

We waited with Mary for the child:

            Now the Holy One is born!

We waited in the brokenness of our world and lives:

            Now the Light of the World dawns!

And all your people say: the Lord is come!

For we who have walked in darkness have seen a great light;

we who lived in a land of deep darkness—

on us a light has shined.

You have multiplied our nation,

you have increased our joy.

For a child has been born for us,

a son given to us;

authority rests on his shoulders;

and he is named:

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

And all Your people say: the Lord is come!

We respond with joy and adoration,

proclaiming in our hearts and with our tongues:

Joy to the World, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare Him room,

And Heaven and nature sing.

Joy to the World, the Savior reigns!

Let men their songs employ;

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains

Repeat the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,

And makes the nations prove

The glories of His righteousness,

And wonders of His love.

And all Your people say: the Lord is come!

For we do not proclaim ourselves;

we proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord.

For it is the God who said,

“Let light shine out of darkness,”

who has shone in our hearts

to give the light of the knowledge of the Glory of God

in the face of Jesus Christ;

in whose name we pray,

Amen.

in the spirit of Christmas Eve

close your eyes and listen.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

My friend Adam wrote a version of this song and I realized today how beautifully his version portrays the spirit of advent. Click the link and you can hear while reading the lyrics if you want. I think He does a great job setting up all the emotions. 
It gives me chills every time. 
Love you guys.


I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

Beauty

Today I went to a coffee house in South Bend to work on a few papers in preparation for student teaching. When I was there I ran into a man I met over the summer with a few of my friends that I work with at a summer camp. When we met him in the summer he told us he was an agnostic, and asked us to pray for him for some very serious needs. When I ran into him tonight we began talking and I offered him a ride to The House of Need where he was staying; a house for the homeless. My first warning sign went up in my mind, to not give a ride to a man, alone, in South Bend, at night; yet for some reason I felt a peace about it. We loaded his bags and I gave him a ride to this House of Need. He invited me in, after declining the first time, he asked again and I went in. Another warning sign popped up in my head. I again, didn't listen to the warning sign. As I went in, it was a house of many homeless people and a few guests from Bethel (a Christian college in town). I observed as this random assortment of people came together as a family, prayed together and ate together.

Oh, how they loved each other.

I was humbled by the love that they expressed to one another and me. I stayed awhile and met a few people, heard a few of their stories and shared a little bit of mine. As I was there, I couldn't believe the actions I just took, but nothing inside me told me that it was a bad idea. I thought about the clothes I was wearing, the car I was driving, and the house I was soon coming home to, I felt completely selfish. Selfish and guilty. I complain about being a "poor college student" yet, 1% of the world goes to college. A poor college student is a contradictory expression. I keep thinking about the verse about how the more that is given to you, that much more will be required of you, and confessed forgiveness. I pray that this Christmas I will give more and love more. I felt convicted by Mike's words about encouraging one another and pointing out the Christ in people around us. I want to be better at seeing the beauty and hope in people and not the destruction and brokenness.

I saw so much beauty and hope tonight.

Week 4: Love

We Are All Wanderers

When I was a child I used to give my poor mother fits.  I wouldn't cooperate, I was (am) loud, and I would always go off somewhere without her knowing.  When my family was still living in Grand Haven I snuck out on our front porch.  Such was my ambition to escape that my parents had to put a gate up outside my door, at the top of the stairs, and one at the bottom of the stairs.  I climbed them all.  After a few escapes onto the front porch, past a locked and deadbolted door, my dad installed a hook latch at nearly the top corner of the door.  One morning my parents woke to find a broom on the floor that I had used to flip that hook that was attempting to keep me from my adventure.  


I am a wanderer.


My big conviction today is the idea of how far I wander from my first love!  I became a Christian when I was four, I don't even remember it.  I could tell you the time that it became real to me.  I may just keep that as something special between God and I, time will tell.  In our group we talk about sacred time.  We also talk about how God is closer in some spaces than others.  I would like to add another facet to this concept.  I think that there are sometimes where our hearts are warmed to God more or less.  I suppose we are all wanderers.  I am trying to posture myself at the feet of the manger over this Advent season.  I want to learn to truly love!  This is to be my constant position.  Close enough to hear the baby Christ coo.  


All wanderers can come home.

Home

Honestly, doing my Advent discipline has been harder at home than it is at school. There are so many distractions and so many things I feel like I should be doing. Also, coming home can be hard because it is easy to gossip about people you haven't seen in a while or family members that you don't get along with. Also, complicated past friendships and relationships are pushed back into your life. These things have affected my attitude and I can say that I haven't been loving people the way I should be. This is the week of love, so I intend on paying extra attention to this and asking God to help me love like he loves.

My Advent Call Part II: Living Mercifully

I'm often found a fool.  Living in unrest toward my fellow man, robbed of joy.  This is not the tumultuous inner unrest, rather an outer, directional, personal unrest.  I speak ill toward, and carry mal toward my fellow man.  Only fools run from joy.  Many of my closest friends have heard me utter cynical words toward chapel speakers, or more often worship leaders that do not seem to get the call of Christ.  I am being made aware that this is a reflection of my heart.  The Scriptures implore us saying: "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  Mine is a dirty heart indeed!  


There is a sense in which living mercifully is funded by Advent.  When we learn to live in the rhythms of God's grace and to seek after joy, hope, and peace, we begin to learn the heart of God.  I felt led the other night to begin to live mercifully toward my fellow man.  To begin to have a favorable heart toward the Saints especially.  Beyond the entry level benefit of peace, lies a deeper call, beyond the peace, beyond the mercy.

In the midst of Advent I hear the cry of my Savior.  It is not the mature tears that I invision in His eyes as he prays the High Priestly Prayer over us in John 17, "I ask not only on behalf of these, but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one," ever mindful of the Schism and conflict that await in His Church.  This is the cry of an infant.  Infants can sense unrest in a room.  They feel their parent's moving toward conflict, or an all too argumentative uncle stirring up controversy.  They begin to cry out of a longing for peace.  I know that we are in the week of joy and "rejoicing," yet I cannot help but wonder if there is a logical progression to the Advent wreath...

Must peace come before joy?


So I fledge on.  Seeking after peace in my own life.  The Shalom of Yahweh.  I must find places, times, and moments where peace can be found, therein my joy.  The smile of an infant implores me to this.  To the joy found in the heart of peace.  Mine is a venture not of obligation, but of joy.  Joy to us Saints!  A child is born in Bethlehem!  He will be a beacon of hope in dark places.  Joy to us Saints!  A Child is born in Israel!  He will be a pillar of righteousness!  Joy to us Saints!  A Child is born into the world!  And on his shoulders is Salvation.  Salvation, in the smile of a Child.  Joy in the smile of a Child.  Joy.

My Advent Call Part I: Cherishing Christ

I spent the whole day Saturday babysitting for my little nephew.  He is just over a year old.  Such is the nature of babies that he demanded so very much of my time.  Yet I was in no way bothered by this, not with how cute he is.  After a bath full of bubbles which followed a very messy attempt at getting him to eat vegetables it was time for bed.  He was already moving a little slower than normal and I knew it would not be long before he was sleeping.  I wrapped him up tightly in his blanket, being wrapped tight helps babies feel secure.  And then I rocked him in the chair near his crib.  His little hand came out of his blanket and lightly clenched my t-shirt while he drifted off.  His tiny head was nestled in my chest and I knew he had gone to sleep when his grasp loosened even ever so slightly.  This was the part where I was to lay him gently in his crib and leave him alone to sleep.  I couldn't.  He was so small and I knew him to be completely helpless apart from my care.  So I held him there for twenty more minutes before talking myself into laying him down.  As I quietly closed the door behind me I was so compelled to pray for his safety and well being.

Last night as I was going to sleep I was given two little phrases that I intend to clarify and refine, the first of which I will discuss here and now.  Cherish Christ.  We spend most of our contemplative energies on the adult Christ, the miracle worker and teacher, without ever giving thought to Him in His infancy.  One of my favorite songs to listen to around this time is the song "Mary Did You Know."  Mary had no frame of reference to understand that she was holding Yahwey in her arms.  YHWH!!!  She was actually cradling God.  With the amount of care I felt compelled to give to my nephew Easton, I cannot even imagine hers.  I want to cherish Christ, and dwell upon how much He sacrificed, not just on the cross, but in becoming helpless.  The Child that Mary delivered, soo thereafter delivered her, and the rest of creation.  

Because God WANTED To

So today in church I was reminded why God WANTED to send Jesus to us to save us. This whole Advent season, I have been very focused on why God needed to send Jesus. For example, the extreme brokenness is a reason why God sent Jesus as atonement for our sins. Today, like I said, I was reminded that God wanted to send Jesus because He loves us so much. It's not that I forgot this or that it is bad to focus on the depravity and why we need Jesus, but I was reminded that God WANTED to save because he LOVES us. That seems ties in with the love week pretty well...it's cool how that worked out :)

Motives

I have been thinking a lot about my heart and my motives for things. Everything we do, has a motive behind it. God mainly cares about our motives, regardless of what we do or don't do. I have felt overwhelmed with this idea. I feel as if this is hitting me again and I'm relearning God's desire to see good motives in me. I'm almost scared to think about how often I have good motives. It seems like to serve anyone, or do anything "right" is for some selfish motivation. Although, I understand God has blessed us with feeling good after we do good or succeed. Through this process I have been reevaluating my passion to do missionary work overseas. Are my motives pure? Can they be fully pure?

Mitch and my family met for the first time tonight for dinner. My mom and his dad began talking and I was half-way in the conversation listening. They were talking about how they were worried about Mitch and my future and our similar desires to go overseas and serve alongside each other. They worry about finances, jobs, and our safety. As they agreed that they worry about us, I turned and told Mitch. To sum up what they were saying, I said; "they think we don't fully understand the world." And Mitch simply said, "maybe their the ones who don't understand." This was a profound statement to me, and I have been wrestling with my motives behind my future goals. I wonder if is because it is viewed as dangerous, exciting, and God-honoring. I wondering if it is because I want people to be impressed and see me in this "missionary" light. I know that my passion to work with women and children overseas won't be wasted because of my motives. I am challenged to reevaluate my motives in future plans like this and in daily situations.

This season will be interesting as I process through things like this, as Christmas is a time for giving, receiving and spending time with family. Through these situations I want to be conscious of my motives and continue to process how to filter out my motives that aren't pleasing to God.

Strained

I'm thankful to be home and anxious to see how I do with the Advent discipline. I know it will be challenging for me here. There is so much extra time since I have no homework or obligations, but there are so many other things I can do that could distract me or hinder me from being disciplined and really digging into the readings over the next week and a half. These are just some thoughts :)


So, today's reading was Isaiah 64: 1-12. I remember when we were first learning about Isaiah, Mike had us get with a partner and read a certain chapter of Isaiah. Bethany and I were partners and read Isaiah 64:1-12. When we first read it, we picked it apart and found it to be pretty dreary and odd. It seemed dark and sad. Now, looking back with more knowledge of Advent, it seems to sum it all up super well. We are so broken. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away" (Isaiah 64:6). There is truly no hope for us accept through Jesus. It seems to tie in with a part of the video Mike posted concerning the fact that many of us have felt emotionally and spiritually broken or "strained", as Mike stated. Advent is the realization of how much we need Christ to come and save us. This passage has definitely begun to make more sense to me and tie so well into Advent.

Some Encouragement and a Reading

[Click on the picture to view the video]

Ponder

Today I was given grace when I felt completely and utterly undeserving. Grades, in the grand scheme, are small, but I felt extreme redemption this morning. I've realized the joy of being loved when I am unable to earn that love. Let's not forget that we have been adopted, and therefore saved from the orphanage. We've been given lives of privilege! 


"Let the one who is wise heed these things 
   and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD."
(Psalm 107:43)

Joy: Psalm 105

Here are some verses from today's reading that meant a lot to me; they are the bookend verses of Psalm 105:

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually" (vv. 4-5).


"So he brought his people out with joy, his chosen ones with singing.
He gave them the lands of the nations, and they took possession of the wealth of the peoples,
that they might keep his statues and observe his laws" (vv. 44-45).

I like the idea of seeking God's presence continually. It reminds me of what we heard in Church this past week: living the Christian life doesn't mean knowing everything, understanding everything, "getting" everything, or doing everything (those will all come in time); it means following a person. Stepping forward. Engaging. Seeking.

It reminds of Job. Clearly Job did not experience the intimate and close presence of God until the very end of the book, and even then it was a more terrible and overwhelming presence. But he sought. He argued his case for an entire book. All he wanted was to entertain God's presence. He was a mess, but he continually sought.

It reminds me of Mary. Mary did not understand how she was going to bear the Son of God, but instead asked, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" But even though she did not understand, she still sought the presence of God. She still allowed the Holy Spirit to start forming the Christ in her womb. She still said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."

I want to seek the Lord this week even though I am not in tip-top shape. I pray that you all seek his presence as well, because in his presence is his strength.

Finally, I liked verses 44 and 45 because they conclude the psalm nicely. The whole point of this psalm is to show that 1) God is strong and loving, so much so that he saved his people; 2) there is joy when we seek the Lord and God works on our behalf; and 3) we have been saved and delivered for no greater purpose than to keep, observe, and obey God's laws and way of living.

The word that in verse 45 is crucial. It is a purpose word. All of this saving on God's part has been done so that...


Live today in joy and singing, knowing that God has worked on your behalf, knowing that God is coming through on his promises for you--promises of victory, hope, salvation, rest, peace, strength, healing, or faith. And know that our part is to obey and keep the commands. That is how we seek.

Hey, all. I know I post often, and I don't want to bombard you, so if you'd like to take a peek at the advent/joy/Mary poem I've written today, here it is. :)

Zechariah's prayer

 “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel,
   because he has come to his people and redeemed them..."


"...to enable us to serve him without fear 
 in holiness and righteousness before him all our days."


Christ enables us to obey and to serve -- to be holy and to be righteous. His commandments, to love God and others, are now wholly possible! Praise be to God!

Zephaniah 3:14-20

Zephaniah 3:15
"The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil."

The Lord is among us. He is in our midst. How amazing. How much assurance we have that he will bring us peace.


Zephaniah 3:17
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

The Lord is so amazing. He is among us. He will save us. He silences us because he loves us so much. He EXULTS over us.

The definition of exult: to show or feel elation or jubilation. God shows elation and jubilation through loud singing. He's singing about us, his children, because he loves us SO much. This brings such hope and peace, even when we're stressed and weary and weak and sad. Thank you so much, Lord, for peace that surpasses all understanding and a love that makes you sing.

Dave Ward's "Are you a Practicing Christian?"

Dave Ward preached this sermon in his homiletics class at the beginning of the semester. Zach Aument cries every time he talks or thinks about it. I finally watched it this morning. I want to practice the Christian life, and Advent is one piece of the puzzle. Please watch this if you have time. It is so powerful.

http://vimeo.com/21925461

Resolve

I have another image that I specifically found last night to dedicate to today and the rest of this week.

The Sovereign Lord comes with POWER. He comes with LOVE. "He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart." Today God prompted me to pray for my family. I am praying that God moves in love and in power in my own family, bring healing and restoration. God promises to HEAL and to RESTORE. There is so much hope in that. He has the power and the love to do all that He promises.

Gratitude (From Saturday, Sunday, and Monday)

These are some things from my gratitude journal. I hope that they are encouraging in some way.

Mark, Sean, Zach Aument...we'd love to have you guys post some stuff ;) 

• Handels Messiah, full of friends voices, singing praises in 1st UMC, sharing smiles with Kayla, Matt, Jordan, and Zach
• Matt, Denny, Chris, and I, even for a moment, share a quick communion; Matt and I are proud, Denny and Chris are filled up; four months apart becomes nothing
• Early morning rising (Saturday), McNutts, coffee, milk, and gifts. There is nothing quite like early morning conversation with the Zach's.
•  A beautiful father-daughter dynamic in McNutts; his jokes and twinkling eyes, her laughter and joy.
• Bethany's half awake "thank you's" 
• Bethany bringing me food at the Writing Center and joining me for dinner
• Bacon with brown sugar/ eggs/ pancakes/ Home Alone 1 w/ Harrison and Zach
• Harrison reminding me so much of good friends from home; 
• Zach's brokenness, honesty, and hope scrawled on mirrors, leaking out of eyes, hanging in his words.
• Dave Ward's sermon "Practicing Christians," and glimpses of the practicing Christian in our lives
• A couple honest questions about the spiritual life from Kayla in the past few days. She wants my advice. She values my input. Yea!
• The hokey-pokey in the middle of the Student Center
• Seeing Katie at Baldwin. She brings so much to small group. I value her.
• Anne hugged me, told me I was appreciated. Such hope in her.
• David Riggs and his scholarship. He is doing work that will change people's lives. We live in a grace relationship with God. So much fruit will come from this.
• A beautiful Prose Essay and so much affirmation towards it.
• A silent Lodge, time to just lay on the couch and read a book.
• When Brian Bernius's voice cracks; his laugh.

body of hope

Advent has been a struggle for me. I have been transitioning from a season of intense spiritual growth to a dry, crusty stand-still. Instead of having hope in the anticipation of Christ's arrival, I have been consumed with my current state of hopelessness-- in the world's state of hopelessness. This semester has been a constant battle to stay positive. I can no longer muster an ounce of hope with my tainted perspective, and God has not been delivering fresh insight into my outstretched hands. My prayer life has been drooping in the light of tired disappointment from hoping without results.

The only redeeming factor during this difficult semester has been community. God has graciously blessed me by placing me among some incredible organs from his own living body. Never have I experienced a more Christ-exemplifying community of believers than I am experiencing now.

Today at church, a few girls from the Zambia team stood up to share about their trip. Laura-Marie and Kathryn shared, in particular, about the way God humbled them in their efforts. They expected to be heroes, but many of the patients they tried to save died. What a hopeless circumstance. Yet, God gave them a peace and hope in the brokenness. They were forced to trust God because they lacked all control and ability in themselves. Kayla told me the other night that a church community is important because other believers cover our weaknesses and vice-versa. This morning was an example of that fact; I was encouraged by their testimony, and their faith infected mine like a contagion. Somehow, I am hoping vicariously through the hope of others (what a tangled web.)

Hoping is hard. Praise God for a breathing, blinking, beating body of believers.

Thank goodness for a renewal in the cycle of reading. For words that can become mine. I did something a little different and made a Psalm 103 word cloud for my desktop this week. I went through each line of the Psalm and wrote down the attributes of God that were stated or implied. I then wrote down all the "praise the Lord"s and replaced them with "praiseHIM." I got a little creative because I couldn't use spaces. The colors, of course, were advent inspired. :)

The Need

Yesterday I prayed that the Lord would just come back and take us home.

It was the first time I'd prayed that and truly felt in my heart that I meant it.

Usually I pray that prayer flippantly while in the back of my head I'm thinking... "Come back Lord, BUT could I just have a family and kids first. I think that would be fun. Maybe let me experience some of the joys of this life before going on to be with You in eternity..." You know, stuff like that. Let me get out of college or accomplish something with my life...

But no, this time I was serious. I told God we are broken and that I'm unhappy with being broken. I told Him we just want to be fixed and go home. I said it with a little anger and frustration that He won't just take us home. I said it with the same sense of homesickness that I said was feeling before Thanksgiving.

It was cool. I mean, it was sad to feel that the world is broken, but it was cool to truly connect with the feeling of NEED for a Savior to come and redeem this broken world.

A lot of connections today

Today, I read Hannah's words of thanks to God and Zachariah's words of thanks to God.

I read that God "sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts." Essentially, He allows sorrow and joy. He allows sickness and healing. He's got it in His big, big hands. It's a little disheartening maybe, to think He's the conductor of an orchestra that sometimes seems dissonant. But "the foundations of the earth are the Lord's; on them he has set the world." We're HIS lumps of clay and He is a master artist.

Have you ever watched someone sculpting or working on a pottery wheel? Sometimes, you see them creating something and you begin to feel amazed. You see where the shapes look like they're going, and you're excited to see them be manipulated. Then a little thing happens: maybe a side begins to sag just a little, and BAM! The artist smashes it in and begins smoothing out bubbles -- you catch yourself saying, "NO! It was looking so good! I could never have done that!" You think the artist is a perfectionist and that time has just been wasted.

But the artist knows that clay weakens as it is being manipulated. It is very malleable, and can only be fixed a few times before a piece needs to be integrated back into the whole and start from the beginning. Not only will this make the piece stronger, it will make the process of finishing faster than trying to make a quick repair. We are His jars, filled with His gospels, and He is reworking our hearts in this time of "sorrow/hope" so that our hearts are able to hold his heavy, weighty words with conviction.

Let us remember that in God's hands, we are not "safe." But He is good. It's like in Narnia. It's WINTER and we're waiting for CHRISTMAS! We're waiting for Him to come and fulfill the hope and fulfill the preparation and fulfill the joy and fulfill the love. Here's my favorite part about this: He already came. So the past assures us. And Christmas will come on the 25th, as it always does. So the present assures us.

Our futures are certain. They will contain a resurrected Christ. Let us hope and, tomorrow, prepare.

Martin Luther wrote,

"This is the word of the prophet: "Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given" (Isa. 9:6). This is the hardest point, not so much to believe that he is the son of the virgin and God himself, as to believe that this Son of God is ours. This is where we wilt, but he who does feel it has become another man. Truly it is marvelous in our eyes that God should place a little child in the lap of a virgin and that all our blessedness should lie in him. And this Child belongs to all mankind. God feeds the whole world through a Babe nursing at Mary's breast. This must be our daily exercise: to be transformed into Christ, being nourished by this food. Then will the heart be suffused with all joy and will be strong and confident against every assault."

This is a great mystery of Advent: the child Mary carries in her womb simultaneously holds the whole world in his hands.

And he came for us. The Son of God is ours.

Tomorrow begins week two of Advent, with an emphasis on Peace, Preparation, and John the Baptist.

The "O" Antiphons

With intercession, I have been trying to figure out how to prevent prayer from becoming redundant and repetitive. At times I just get in a rut where I'm praying the same things for the same people. Though the things I pray for are not bad things, on the contrary they are great things, the "O" Antiphons gave me inspiration and reminded me or exactly what I should be praying for when interceding for others. Here are some of the BEAUTIFUL ways we can be praying for others:


Come and show your people the way to salvation.

Stretch out your mighty hand to set us free.

Come, let nothing keep you from coming to our aid.

Break down the prison walls of death for those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death; and lead your captive people into freedom.

Come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.

Come and save the creature you fashioned from the dust.

Come and set us free, Lord our God.


This reminds me to pray for God to come, heal, show his people how to receive salvation, not delay, save us, and set us free.

I drafted a poem

tonight that goes along with Kayla's thoughts below.

I "blogged" it on my own blog, but saw that it fit Kayla's words.

Maybe your words. Maybe our words.

We're all into advent, I can tell.

And we're all feeling longings, I can tell.

We've been plunged into a time of aching,

making the hoping part harder.

But also making the hoping part much more REAL.

Without grief or discontentedness, hope cannot be present.

So here we go. We're being given an opportunity to hope. Huh boy.

Here is my poem. And the more I write things like this and think things like this, the easier it is to not dwell so solidly inside my self-pity. Hope is a discipline. Hm.

Today, my heart aches

amid my thoughts of thanks. Thirst

for rest and relationship

drains me dry --

all thoughts are needle pricks

that pick my threads of gratitude

until I begin to unravel.

Hope, you are the theme.

I bow my head

to your high ways. You

say yes when I feel maybe.

You say wait when I feel weep.

You say rest when I feel struggle.

You see the hands that hold you

when I am blind.

I ache. But.

But know that aches speak

of remedies.

That longings speak

of fulfillment. That yesterday's joy

affirms the joy to come.

Unravelled. Aching: I hope.

Hopeful Laments

This is a little of what I was trying to articulate tonight in our small group. Its from my journal, but its applicable.

I feel overwhelmed lately with a sense of grief and sadness. I don't think i'm clinically depressed or anything, but I cry ALOT. If I've counted correctly, minus Thanksgiving break (where I think I was too busy to cry), I have cried everyday for the past month.

Certain things just set me off... Alot of it has been my own dealings with relationships, while other times its the sadness/brokenness around me. I'm just easily touched these days.

I don't think its bad that I can cry at the drop of a hat for the things outside of myself but the things inside of me, I feel aren't right. And every time it happens I get even more frustrated as to why I can't stop crying. I don't like feeling out of control of what's happening to me, but I know there is purpose in it.

I don't want to be a needy person. I want to feel that I can stand with the Lord by my side through anything. And maybe that's it. Maybe God is teaching me to take hold of Him in a more intimate way. But it really hurts to feel like I have to loose my other relationships to do that. I don't like feeling alone and I don't think its healthy to feel that way. I know there is a healthy medium between relying on God for everything and relying on humans, I just can't seem to find it.

I interviewed my Social Work friend, Robert Ayres this morning for a class. He brought up a good point that I feel applies to my sadness these days. It went something like... "You can't deal with the broken population unless you deal with your own brokenness first." Not that you have to be all fixed and perfect, but having a past in something and then trying to help others heal is not proper. Its like being on a plane where they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping anyone around you. Its not selfish to try to save your own life, but its necessary if you want to survive long enough help the person next to you. So if I think I'm going to help people relationally, I have to walk through the fire and figure all this stuff out for myself before getting to that point where I can be the most helpful.

In the midst of Advent, the whole mourning for the brokenness and sadness around me makes sense. Bobby Gross in his book Living the Christian year, describes advent as a time for songs and groans. We mourn for the broken world, but we joyfully sing of the coming King who is here to restore such brokenness. He has come and is coming to fix what is broken. Matthew 5 talks about how Christ did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it. It talks about the heart behind the things that we do and how broken we are on the inside before our thoughts even come into action. And at the end of the chapter we are called to be "perfect as your Father is perfect." How do we do that? I don't know yet.

So I guess this grief feeling is a curse and a blessing. Its given me this perspective of how Christ came to fix what is broken, and to truly feel that something is broken and needs fixing... so Christmas is worth the wait because of that. But its still not easy knowing that the world is so very broken, I am still so very broken and the time has not yet come for all things to be fixed.

"So sing and let your songs be joyful longings; groan and let your cries be hopeful laments."
-Bobby Gross

"...in due season"

...all look to you,
to give them their food in due season.
When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die
and return to their dust.
When you send forth your Spirit, they are created,
and you renew the face of the ground.

Psalm 104:27-30

All of creation depends on God's grace; all yearns for salvation.

"in due season"

This is a season for spiritual food. He will feed us with His hope and joy and love.

His hand is slowly opening and we are eager to gather and fill.

His face is slowly coming out of hiding and it is the face of an infant.

With baby's first cry his breath will rush back into world's dust and Spirit will recreate us.

Renewal comes with Christmas.

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

Day Two: JOY

Joy is the focus of today's reading in Isaiah. There is so much JOY among brokenness because we know God will come and save us.

"say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you!"
Isaiah 35:4

Amongst the pain and sorrow that people have been experiencing, there is constant joy and trust that God will heal the broken and save us.

a cord not quickly broken

This week I had the pleasure to visit my sister in southern California. Among many great things, we went to church together today. In service, the pastor spoke about Ecclesiastes, a familiar tone of how life is meaningless but not a common book preached about. It was a very somber service, but I loved the heart of it. He began by giving a general outline of Ecclesiastes and how life is meaningless, our toil is vanity, and basically nothing is guaranteed to us. We believe that if we work for something or work hard for a goal, we should obtain that goal, and receive good things. Yet, it is clear in scripture and from living life for 20 plus years that, that just isn't the case. He continued just laughing because nothing we do really can get us anywhere. We aren't guaranteed anything in this life.

He then turned the service onto a different note, directing us to think about the promises we can believe in. The pastor pointed to a few verses in Ecclesiastes about not being alone, picking one another up, and encouraging one another. Nothing is guaranteed in our lives, but we have family and friends that God has placed in our lives to live in community with. We must embrace one another and celebrate in our relationships, because that is the only thing guaranteed in our lives; the relationship with people and with God. Throughout scripture Jesus is clear that we must spend time with him. He even said when he was on this earth, that the poor would always be with us, but he wouldn't be. This gives perspective of how we should embrace the relationship we have with Christ and with others.

I left service, and California, thinking about how thankful I am for you guys and other people God has placed in my life. I also redirected my focus on the beauty and peacefulness of sitting in the presence of God. This was a perfect way to begin Advent redirecting my focus on Christ and our relationship.

Day One

Learning to Adjust the Camera Lense

My first passage was Psalm 103, and you know what? Anna Holliday texted me about that very passage a few days ago! So I had already prepped.

I'm DROWNING under a homework load right now, and let me tell you... I want to WHINE like a baby. But then I compare... in a better way. I realize how much I have loved school and how much I love these classes... I realize how AWFUL my workload was all semester last fall... I remember how great my family seems to be doing under the circumstances... I think about my cozy work space on the couch in peace and quiet. Then I'm thankful!

Then I pull the lense out wider and see my life in the timeline of ETERNITY. And I pan down and see Christ being born so that I could do my work to prepare my heart and mind for Christian life. And the more I pan out with my camera eyes, the smaller I become, and the fuller I feel. What a honey sweet perspective.

So I smirk as Jars of Clay soul-sings "I'll Fly Away", and I continue to work.

Advent: Day One

Today was the first day of Advent. I'm doing Isaiah, so intercession is the focus. I started out reading Isaiah 11:1-10. This was such a cool passage. Things that popped out were that the one coming has the Spirit of God, has the Spirit of healing, the Spirit of understanding, the Spirit of power, and the Spirit of fear of the Lord. Also, at the end it says that the one that is coming will be a banner for for all people and will be a marvelous place of rest. This passage was so beautiful to me and was really helpful during my time of prayer. While I was praying, I was reminded of all the pain people around me are going through or have gone through. In spite of this, Christ is all powerful and nothing is impossible with him. The time of intercession reminded me of the essence of Advent, which is waiting patiently and earnestly for Christ to heal all of the hurt and be a place of rest.

Advent Begins

Beloved friends,

This is our Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany blog. Begin to share your Advent experiences of Waiting, Hoping, Preparation, Joy, and Love; or how your Advent disciplines of Intercession, Repentance, and Gratitude are transforming your lives. I love you all. Have at it.

Michael